GRIEVING 2X

Yes, I do love God! He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. "Without Him I am nothing, but with Him I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."(Phillippians 4:13)
Since God allowed my tears to begin falling at Christmas, I found that they came all too easily and much to often to suit me. When Gaye came to visit a few days ago, and I realized that I was actually going through the process of grieving over my son, David, from fifteen years ago, I didn't like it one bit....but I knew I had to go through it never the less! I know it seems impossible that I wouldn't have gone through this back in 1995, but it doesn't seem so impossible to me at all........ I have such a tremendous and simple faith in my God, that whatever He wants to do, is okay with me. So, in my mind, then, if it was time for my son to go back Home, then God had that right, because David was God's before he was mine! I just accepted the fact and went on with my life, and besides David was there to help me along the way. Now, September of 2010 rolls into existence, and my sweetheart leaves me and I have no-one to help me go through the process of getting over him. It dawns on me that I am grieving over not only David, my sweetheart, but finally God is taking me through the grief process of losing my son too!
Oh is it ever hurting too! I don't like it one bit, but I know I have to go through it.
I always tell people that losing a child is like having a part of your guts ripped out. Well, this week, I have my guts and my heart ripped out at the same time, and it hurts!
As the quote at the beginning said, my God is ever faithful, and I do know that He is the source of my existence and of my family's existence too.
All I do is through His strength! I will stay under His wing until He deems I am strong enough to be placed under the shadow of His wing again.
I can only pray that He does it before I leave for Israel, because I would look rather funny flying into Israel, with the Savior's arms wrapped around me, instead of coming back with Him in the clouds!
Becky